I find myself counting my blessings often these days. Every time I’m sad I remind myself to think of all the wonderful things in my life. And I have so many.
My children…those of my blood and those who became mine though the heart. There is no greater joy than seeing them happy, working hard, laughing, and living. There is no greater worry, also. There is nothing worse than seeing their hearts ache and not being able to fix it. It’s growing up and while I can’t fix it, I can give them comfort and safety that I knew from my parents.
For Geoffrey who has made my world a different place. Laughter, love, companionship and content. I could ask no more than this.
My siblings. We’ve shared so much joy and so much heartache. And we have each others backs forever.
My friends who have become family.
My coworkers who are funny, helpful and so intelligent. I enjoy these people and some of the remarkable projects we have shared through the years. They epitomize what a team should be.
For being able to do these crazy things like Marathons and Ironman. For being able to be part of the organizations that do so much good such as the Ironman Foundation and the American Liver Foundation. They gave me far more than I could ever give back but I’m proud and grateful for the opportunities.
For my dogs. They make me smile every day. They are jerks and trouble and little storms of destruction but they have my heart. All they want is love…and usually my food. Again, they give far more than I could ever give them. Even when I’m in a crappy mood they just sit near (ON) me and look at me with those eyes. I adore them and would have my house full of littles if we could manage it. But they are also messy. And did I mention they destroy everything? Two is good. 😊 Maybe three.
For my parents. While I still hurt every single day, I will never forget my unyielding gratitude for the time I shared with them, the gifts they gave me and the lessons they taught me. I always feel my words just aren’t enough for the extraordinary people I got to call mom and dad.
I’ve been able to run some fun races lately and complete some good training. My races and runs have been with my favorite people and I found a lot of joy that I did not have for a long time. I’m starting to feel better about Lake Placid and if I can just stay steady I know I can do it.
I’m marrying my best friend in 8 weeks. I wonder every day why he loves me like he does. How did I get so lucky?
I know I’ve shared the last few paragraphs many times. But I need to write is again….these are MY reminders to myself that while life is painful, it’s also SO good. And it’s short. We need to love and live while we have the chance.
I often find myself going to call my dad. About the new car issue. What we need to get the toilet fixed. About Kielin’s baseball game. For his advice or to tell him about funny things the dogs did. And every time it’s like a brand new gut punch. And that will go on for a long time. Forever, maybe. I find it hard to concentrate these days. Normally I love putting on headphones and writing code or debugging issues at work. Lately, though? My mind struggles to focus. Too many thoughts swarming my mind. But I’m trying. I’m showing up. It will all come back. And I’m doing okay. They kids are doing okay. Everyone is doing okay. It’s hard but as always, the base was built for us in every way to live good, happy lives and we are all trying to follow in their foot steps while trying to figure out our own paths.
Last night at Kielin’s spring concert they sang a song that had me in tears. The song was For Good and I believe it is from the show Wicked:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…
And that’s the best way I can think of to put it. Life moves forward. And I will carry them with me while living my best life.
This moves me into my other thought while thinking about living my best life and what I’m not doing well: Paying attention to details. Ugh.
I’m not very good at paying attention to details. That sentence is an understatement. I’m sure some are laughing or rolling eyes at me right now.
I recently had two very clear instances recently where I should have paid better attention.
The first is that Kielin decided he wanted to sign up for an instrument. He chose the Viola. I said SURE! I thought a viola was like a fiddle. Smaller and quieter than a violin. We are all signed up and ready to play!
I didn’t pay attention to the fact that a viola is bigger and louder. Oh boy…..
The other instance I’m going to pay for not looking closely. My friend Charlie asked me to fill in a leg for her Ragnar team this weekend. I said sure as I have always wanted to try one.
I looked at the leg and saw 12 miles -very hard. I figured that I ran Mountain Goat so how hard could it be? And I also figured that I would need to add in a couple more miles here or there for IM Lake Placid training. When looking online two days ago I did not see any 12 mile full legs that were very hard. Then I saw something that made my stomach flip. I messaged Charlie asking what leg I had. She confirmed what had me laughing myself sick. My LAST leg was a very hard 12 miles. I have 26.4 miles total. Oh boy! Luckily I’ve really ramped up my training and feel good about this but nervous as well. I just keep reminding myself of all the snacks all weekend…totally worth 26.4 miles of running.
So, I guess living my best life means I need to pay attention better. I can’t even say with a straight face that I will because it’s just not in me. But I will work hard and do my best to live by example and teach my children to live with gratitude and happiness and humor too. I wish them a life of adventure, love, working hard and so much laughter.
I wish it for you too.
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